Sources close to the Whitney Houston center for R&B catastrophe rehabilitation center, as well as the Universal Carnival Corporation of Planet Jacksonon, report to this Earth tonight that Whitney Houston- wholesome, black, school girl, pop sensation, from the 80's timewarp, will rebirth Michael Joseph Jackson, the King of Pop (goes the weasel), live on BET at the end of one of her upcoming music shows in Asia. A man selling mogwais in a tiny japanese village said he could feel the coming of the second Michael Jackson, or the Mess of a crazed human of past times, deep within his long, white, and perfectly straightened Japan beard. He also said he wishes his beard had more of the squiggly curly texture to it as someone of the Whitney people. Rush Limbaugh quickly called the gentlemen racist on live radio broadcasting, and then giggled profusely about it for roundabouts' an hour or three. At a recent gathering of underprivileged children in the Compton ghetto, Whitney peeled her mouth away from her rediscovered crack pipe long enough to utter the words, "He my babeh'Jes's. My babeh've God from the heaven's of the Moonwalka's temple. He be reborn un' from my womb with sparkleh' white glove and all, praise Lord of all Motown..." Then, her eyes went glazed and fixated upon an invisible floating bullseye in the air, as she went over the details of the elaborate stage labor. She said she would conjure up Sanjay Gupta from CNN to appear from thin air onstage, wearing a cloth potato sack, to remove Mikey Jackson from her cervical waterslide. She went on to add that the reason she chose Gupta for the removal ceremony is because it sounds like "goop," which there will be a lot of pouring forth from her, like some techno-foamy lava of life and love. -And also, because Sanjay requested to study the creature once it was reintroduced to it's child-filled playground, aka, Terra Firma. Whitney says she has the most expensive and spectacular fireworks show ever concocted, ready to blast, and the brightest lighting in existance, aside from that of in Heaven and on Mount Olympus, and her posse will be riding camels and carrying her upon a mattress of hay, sawdust, seaweed, clay, and straw to the center of the stage, where she will be flung into a dunk tank, to have a lasershow waterbirth, wearing a light up Hannah Montana facemask, to appeal to the small kids of every nation. Ringo Starr is expected to provide a dramatic rolling drum solo mimicing a natural newborn heartbeat, just before it's fetal stage comes to a complete close, and whitney roars her anthemic, "I Will Always Love Booze". Ellen DeGeneres has said on her Peter Pan look-alike talkshow that "Well, it's just sick, ya' know? -For him to return to this dagan world in some kind of freakshow, like a beautiful carrot rising from a beaver's ass instead of from the, the, the, well, the soil..., like it was supposed to; not for a crowd to ingest with their eyes to puke out from a bewildered mouth. That's tabberwhacky!" Yes, the brilliant female spawn of hell used the word "tabberwhacky," just as we were already about uncomfotable enough to hang up the phone and set it on fire. Nobody cares about dancing like a moron, while a bunch of hypnotized zombies wonder which awkward celebrity interview they will witness next.
The final thing anyone has learned about the reinstitution of The MJ-EZ-AS123 robot is that Barnem and Bailey are to sponsor the event, and have lent 400 pigeons and 200 bengal tigers to the production of it's miracle. Tickets are still available to the concert, as many are two frightened and hesitant to buy them, fearing AIDS and Extreme Mormonism. Kathy Griffin offered her standup comedy to open up the musical monument, but Whitney personally called Griffin and reportedly said, "No, bitch. Can't you come to my concert! Your big nose don't have the right honey!" Google scientists are still searching for an exact translation of what that message could mean, but are unsure if they'll figure it out anytime in the foreseeable future. They recommend making some soup and sleeping until this tragic song of sadness and irritable bowl syndrome evoking horror passes like a double edged kidney stone sword, through the hearts of all of us. All we can to is watch and hope it doesn't end us, for good...
Thanks, and stay tuned to see if Janet is looking to live in the cave of Whitney Houston for a few years too.
-an unamed reporter, who fears aliens of all kinds, Whitney or Michael...
Spoof means fake. Its a fake article!
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